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Author Topic: HELP! Advice needed on my best friend’s relationship

July 14, 2020, 05:57:02 AM
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Hi, I’m concerned about a good friend of mine and could really use some outside perspective.

She’s suffered from clinical depression and other mental health issues in the past and has a history of very intense and short-lived relationships that always end badly. She dates all the time, because she wants to be married and have children and thought she would have met someone by now.

Anyway, when lockdown happened we were all worried about her living on her own and not coping with weeks/months of isolation. I offered for her to live with my partner and I but she declined. The first month we all made sure we called her, dropped her gifts to her doorstep etc. She told me she was miserable and was upset at the thought of not having love or affection for the foreseeable future. Pretty much straight away, she joined online dating apps again and was chatting to a few guys. Then about 10 weeks ago she met this one older man (10 year age gap). She instantly forgot social distancing rules and was meeting up with him for dates regularly. After 2 weeks, she moved in with him and ever since has literally dropped off the face of the earth. Her phone is off most of the time, she’s majorly dropping the ball in her job (they’re both working from his home), has been reprimanded numerous times for missing deadlines, her poor pet rabbit is neglected and on his own for days at a time at her house. She goes to hers once a week to pick up mail and clean his rabbit hutch out and clean up the mess (I’ve offered to look after him but she’s declined that too). She’s stopped working out with her gym online because she’s always with him; this was something that she’s found has previously helped her cope with her depression instead of medication and keep her mood stable.

She’s stopped texting us or replying to messages and cancels zoom plans and going for walks/picnics with us. She’s dropped out of every social thing with our group of friends.  She and her boyfriend have already been on their first weekend away - I only know because she posted pictures all over social media.

When I finally got hold of her and asked was she ok, where had she gone, that I’d been worried about her... she mentioned she had a boyfriend now and that although he’s not physically attractive but she really likes him and he reminds her of her father. She listed all of the things that reminded her of her dad - in physical characteristics and hobbies/likes. She was quick to point out a friend of hers is friends with his sister and he had a lovely family (she’s not close with hers). It just felt like she was inventing a history between them.

I don’t want to be the killjoy here, but I’m so concerned about this ending and her getting hurt and her mental health taking another nosedive.

I know she’s felt lonely in lockdown but starting such a serious and intense relationship in these circumstances is ringing alarm bells for me.

She’s met a stranger online and has literally not spent a moment away from him in 8 weeks, 24/7 at his house. Her last relationship followed a similar pattern, very intense, introducing us to her partner, holidays and when he ended it after 3 months she was devastated and diagnosed with depression and an eating disorder again (this was January/February). I really don’t want her to go through all that again.

She wants to be married... but it just feels far too rushed and intense. I want to say to her what’s the harm in slowing it down, and taking her time to get to know him; integrating him into her life slowly and keeping some independence rather than throw herself in at the deep end. She doesn’t like being in her house, that’s what she told me. So I’m just worried if this ends suddenly she’ll be forced to go back to her house and feel lonely again.

Any help and outside perspective would be hugely appreciated. Thanks
« Last Edit: July 14, 2020, 06:29:32 AM by Dylan_r_84 »

July 14, 2020, 04:49:48 PM
Reply #1


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August 17, 2020, 11:25:19 AM
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August 29, 2020, 02:15:32 AM
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